What's in the Name?

I love the name I have: Nathania. Joy. Smith.

The name Nathania is definitely not a name you hear everyday. I LOVE having this unique name but there are drawbacks….First of all, no one ever knows how to pronounce it. When they try to pronounce it I get Nathaniel, Nathan, Natalie, Nathalia… all names that I would never want to be called. My nickname is Nat which is why people just assume my name is Natalie. I don't know if I hate when people just assume my name without asking or if I just don't really like the name Natalie for my self. Either way, it bothers me the most when people call me Natalie. When I was younger it used to frustrate me because I would get embarrassed to correct people or to tell them my name because I thought it was weird. When I told people my name, they’d either love it and think it’s the prettiest name ever or they’d look confused like “why does this girl have a boy’s name, Nathaniel?”. Now when people do this, I can just laugh and correct them but growing up, it wasn't so easy. 

This name is special to me because I am different and that is something my name has taught me, I don’t have to try fit in as much because I am not the same. When I think about my life in general, being born in England, moving to Canada, then America, I realize that even just on the surface I have a different background than most Americans. As you understand more about me, it becomes more clear that I am not the same as most people. I'm LOUD, I sing all the time, I make jokes that only I think are funny, I tell just the best stories ever....(that also, only I think are funny). Growing up it was hard for me to accept that I have a different name and a different personality. Over time I have began to embrace the reality that no one is the same, and that different (some people might say weird) is GOOD. I don't know if i'd really be that different if I didn't have the name Nathania, which is why I would never want another name.

The name Nathania is Hebrew and means “Gift of God”. My parents knew they wanted to call me this the moment they first saw it in a baby book because they loved the sound of it and loved the meaning. They found out they were pregnant with me just five months after my sister Abby was born and they were surprised, with a capital S. They didn't ever want me to think that because I came so quickly, I was an accident, they wanted me to know that I’m a gift of God. I personally think that your name impacts the person you become, or at least in my case it did. I have never mistaken the love my parents have for me because I know I was never an accident, through my name. I also know that there is a reason I'm here and a purpose to who I am. 

I am also defined by my middle name, Joy, not as unusual as Nathania, but still fairly uncommon. This name means so much to me. Not only because it is one of The Fruits of the Spirit in the Bible, but also because it is also something that I always consider myself, joyful. The reason why I say 'defined' as opposed to 'labeled' is because this name has influenced me to be positive in all situations, good or bad. If you know me well, then you can probably attest to the fact I am majority of the time a happy, optimistic person, despite what life throws at me. I always used to think that it would be almost hypocritical for my to carry this name, Joy, and be grumpy all the time, so I just decided that happy was the way to go.

My last name, Smith, on the other hand, is extremely common. Although many people have this last name, it has a special importance to my family and me. I come from a really long line of successful, christian farmers in England, where I was born. The Smith family has had this farm in the family for hundreds of years and they have all been generous, God seeking individuals, the kind of people I hope to be compared with one day. My dad used to tell me about all his relatives and ancestors and used to say how great they were. Whenever I would do something with integrity or do really well in school, my dad used to say “You’re such a Smith.” On the other hand, when I lied to my parents or did something bad, my dad used to say “Smiths don't do things like that.” Sometimes I used to think “Smiths don’t do that but I just did do that, does that mean I’m not a good Smith?” As I grew older, I started to get annoyed because I used to think “If this is how Smiths act only, I don’t want to be a Smith.”

In my specific case, I found it hard to be an individual because I was always being compared to the amazing Smiths, who, in fact, had a completely different life and upbringing than I did. So how can we be the same?, I thought. However I have learned that being compared to these individuals is actually pretty great. I have realized now that being a Smith doesn’t mean I can’t be an individual, being a Smith just means I should have integrity, and do the right thing. I can still follow my own path and become who I want to be (because I DON’T want to be a farmer), I just get to have the honor of being a Smith with me too. 

I am Nathania-with all my own qualities...joyful, silly, loud, compassionate, BUT at the same time I am Nathania Smith-apart of a greater community and history than just myself. Either way, I am me...an individual.